I’ve been away from this blog for quite a while, school, work, and family matters keeping me very busy. But, now that I have a bit more time on my hands, I’d like to restart it. In this day and age, the topics of beauty and femininity are more important than ever. Positive, non-toxic femininity is rapidly disappearing, and there are few footholds on the internet that seek to preserve it or teach young women what it means.
On that note, I’d like to spend this post introducing a series as a way of getting more content on this blog and out into the void that is the internet. I’ve written before on how society is waging a war on beauty, and I want to expand on that. Women today are told that they’re perfect the way they are no matter how frumpy, overweight, catty, or generally unpleasant they are. The media celebrates women who are unhealthy (see Cosmo UK ‘s latest cover featuring Tess Holiday), entitled, and entirely unfeminine. Young women are being brainwashed into believing that trying to be second-rate men while retaining all the privileges of being female is the way to being a modern woman. But, a truly feminine woman knows that privileges are things that should be worked for and that the “privileges” of modern womanhood are merely consequences of a society that rewards toxic femininity and women who can’t or won’t take responsibility for poor decision-making. These “privileges” won’t make women happy; only those awarded by positive (i.e. traditional) femininity will.
These privileges are: more (positive) attention from the right kinds of men, greater health and fitness, more confidence in yourself that comes from looking feminine and beautiful and acquiring feminine and useful skills, and, ultimately, being in a loving stable relationship and the contentedness that comes from having true purpose in life. Obtaining these privileges takes work, but a feminine woman knows and welcomes this work and the journey that is self-improvement.
In the Manosphere, there is a term “monk mode” used to describe a period of self-improvement during which a man withdraws to focus on fixing his flaws. I know that more marriage-minded women might balk at taking time to avoid actively dating, but stepping back from dating and more toxic social activities, such as clubbing or “girls’ night out,” to focus on improving your appearance and personality will be much more beneficial in the long run. Of course, if you’re already in a serious relationship, there is no need to break it off to spend a few months (or a year if you really have a lot to improve) to better yourself. You can just skip part of the first step of entering “nun mode,” “monk mode” for those ladies who want to become more feminine. So, let’s start our journey to a better, more feminine you. I know in my post on the war on beauty, I laid out a few steps to starting self-improvement, but I want to expand upon those here to get you started and to lay out a few topics for later posts. I’ll be joining you all in “nun mode,” as there are some things I want to improve in myself before I enter a long-term relationship. Here is how to get started:
- Social: Stop dating and dating around. Withdrawing from the dating market will help you to keep a clearer head in improving yourself. For those of you who are serial daters or sleeping around, know that doing so could damage your ability to pair bond in the future, keeping you from forming truly healthy relationships. Also avoid drinking and going out to bars, clubs, house parties, etc.–anywhere bad behavior and alcohol are involved. You’ll be much freer from drama and distress that would distract you from fixing yourself, and you’ll have more time (and money) to spend in other areas of your life. Your wallet and your body will thank you.
- Health: Start taking better care of yourself. Start a fitness routine, drink more water, get your 8 hours every night, eat healthier, and, of course, lose the extra weight. Personally, I eat a low-carb diet with lots of greens and protein, because I find that helps keep me more energized and makes my skin look nicer. I also lift weights 4 times per week and, while I’m not overweight (I have a BMI of 22), I am leaning out a bit for aesthetic reasons. I want to look good for my future husband and am building a foundation to be and stay fit now, as doing so is much easier when you’re young.
- Beauty: Spend more time taking care of your hair and skin. If you have short hair, grow it out to look more feminine. Get rid of unnatural hair color(s) (they tend to be a warning sign of a certain personality type), and learn to style your hair in feminine ways. I find Pinterest has many examples and tutorials for cute, feminine styles. Also, start a skincare regimen, taking time to clear up any bumps or dark spots and prevent premature aging with sunscreen and retinol. Talk to a dermatologist or do research into your skin type and different products. I personally use a lot of Asian skincare products, including an SPF 50 sunscreen for my face, vitamin C serums to clear up dark spots and for anti-aging, and a retinol gel for both acne and anti-aging. I’m often mistaken for being in high school even though I’m 22, so I’d say protecting my face from the sun and starting early has helped 🙂 Also, if you do wear makeup, keep it light. Remember that a fresh-faced, simple look is more appreciated than the drag-inspired contouring so popular now. Finally, start investing in more feminine clothing: dresses and skirts that are modest and fit well in light, non-drab colors. So many girls wear nothing but dark leggings and t-shirts, that a girl in pastels and dresses definitely stands out from the crowd.
- Skills and Hobbies: Get yourself organized, set a daily routine, and start giving yourself time to expand your feminine skill-set. Learn to bake, knit or crochet, sew, play an instrument, paint, speak another language, etc. Read more. Expand your knowledge of art, history, culture, and other subjects. Avoid common YA fantasy or smut. Clean your living space and practice keeping house. You don’t want to be the basic girl living in a trashy room or apartment who takes pride in not knowing how to cook and can only talk about what she saw on twitter, Kylie Jenner, or the latest inane political dribble. I currently read 1 nonfiction book for every fiction book, sticking to the classics for fiction (just finished Dostoevsky’s The Idiot) and books on culture and philosophy for nonfiction (working my way through Christopher Lasch’s The Culture of Narcissism right now). Also, I am working on hand-making (knitting and sewing) all my Christmas gifts, and I do my best (I still eat out once per week) to cook every meal I eat. I’ve also joined a choir for a wholesome social activity and to increase my musical abilities.
- Attitude: As I said earlier, women today are taught to be entitled, that complaining and griping will be rewarded, and that maintaining a pleasant, feminine demeanor is degrading. In reality, being in control of your emotions, holding back from unnecessary complaining and from nagging, and keeping yourself positive and pleasant are what is truly, to use a feminist term, empowering. Acting like an adult rather than a spoiled child is vital to healthy, adult relationships, and though it seems ridiculous to write that, many women today either rdon’t know or forget this. I myself can find myself sulking when things don’t go my way, and this is something I am working to fix before I enter a long-term relationship. So, take stock of your character flaws and be honest with yourself. Do you sulk? Are you always complaining? Do you have a resting b***h face that needs softening? Be your own critic, and don’t hold back
Start thinking about the areas in your life and yourself that you need to improve, and whether you are as feminine as you could be. I’ll be updating soon with more in depth posts on each of the “nun mode” areas for improvement mentioned above and more.
Feels good to be back.